There is nothing in the world that can prepare you for motherhood. There is certainly nothing in the world that can prepare you for stay at home motherhood. This is what my day looked like:
7:00 Baby wakes up (a little too early for our tastes) and I pull her into bed with me because both of us need just a little more sleep.
7:30 We both doze off.
7:45 I sleep through the alarm, or snooze it, I’m not really sure.
8:13 I notice that I’ve been sleeping through my alarm and wake up with a start. I let the dogs out, nurse the baby, wake up Matt, shove down some Fiber One sans milk (because we’re out), change the baby, dress the baby, get my husband to put the stroller in the car, and the baby in her car seat, while I brush my teeth.
8:40 I race out the door so as not to be late to my first Stroller Strides workout class in the park.
10:17 I leave Stroller Strides to meet Matt for a late breakfast.
11:45 Leave Matt to grocery store.
1:00 Head home, nurse the baby.
1:30 Run across the street to visit with my neighbor who turned 91 today and always worries about Charlie’s sock-less feet.
3:30 Come home, try to put the baby down. Unload dishwasher, wipe down counters, sweep and mop bathroom and kitchen.
3:50 Baby wakes up.
4:00 Nurse the baby, try to put her down, rebellion…again. Lay down with baby and talk to her in a conversation that sounds like this…
Me: what do you have to say?
Me: What else?
5:00 With the baby in the bouncy chair, I wash and cut all of our new fruits and vegetables: broccoli, celery, green peppers, strawberries, cherry tomatoes. Put a baked potato in for dinner.
5:30 Baby freaks out so we cuddle some more.
6:00 Nurse the baby, cuddle, and put her down.
7:00 Fix potato, give Baby dropped paci, mic potato, check on whimpering baby, mic potato again, rock screaming baby, mic potato again, take a few bites, pick baby up, cuddle while eating potato.
8:15 Baby finally falls asleep in her crib.
The day is over as quickly as it began and I’m exhausted.
Yet, I don’t want to waste these quiet moments in sleep. Sometimes I look at the timeline of my day and think “wow, I did nothing today” and sometimes I feel like all of my purpose in life has flown out the window: ministry, writing, being a good wife. Then I think about this little life, that for right now, is utterly dependant on me in every way….nourishment, safety, encouragement, love. And then I think of all of the people in this world that never got those things from their moms and how messed up they are and how if their Mamas had just loved them, the world might be just a little bit better. And then I remember that I am so very grateful to stay home with my little one and cuddle and soothe her and right now hear her breathing sweet little breaths over the monitor. Because though I will mess up in ways as a mom, I know that the very most important thing I can be doing with my day is loving this little baby I’ve been given…..for babies don’t keep.