Dear Mom and Dad,
Ok, so I know that you were kind of mad at me yesterday, but I just have to explain myself before I apologize (and because, well, honestly I’m still a little mad at you, too.)
First of all, it has really hurt my feelings that you have basically ignored Attie and me for the last 2 days and made us play outside ALL day. Yes, we really enjoy playing outside when we go see Grandmommy and Granddaddy in Texas, but that’s because they have lots of fun stuff to do outside. There are those big dogs in the back yard that are fun to bark at, the horse dogs, is it? There are frogs to chase and roll in if they die. Also, all of our cousins are there (you know, Hank, Maggie, Kali, and Avery). But even in TX you know that I don’t like to be left for too long. You know that I will take matters into my own hands if you leave me outside all day. But at our house, it’s not fun to play outside all day. It’s boring. I think Frankie next door is at Rainbow Hill and Charlie on the other side doesn’t come out much, and when he does, he tries to smack talk us. Oh yeah, and you never made the little puppy with the weird bark go outside. You are a very unfair mommy.
Second of all, when you did let me inside, the house smelled funny and you put all of my furniture in the middle of the room. Why did you do that? It was really hard to get to the couch to sleep. That made me angry. On top of that, why was it so COLD two nights ago? Yesterday, when a new guy came to make it warm in my house, you wouldn’t even let me say hello to him.
So when you made Attie and me stay outside again yesterday, we hatched a plan to escape to Texas. Attie acted like we were playing in the backyard and talking with the neighbors while I used my razor-sharp teeth to saw through the chain linked fence. The hole wasn’t too big, but I knew if I could get through Attie would follow me. Unfortunately, right when we broke free and were on our way to Texas, Dad came out and caught us. Then you were chasing us in the street and we didn’t even care that you were telling us we could have a treat. The treats you give us are just dog biscuits, the treats Granddaddy gives us are McDonald’s biscuits. We’re on to you now, MOM!
So anyway, I’m mostly sorry that we tried to run away, but like I said, I think you have some things to work on also, so I peed on the floor this morning just to remind you who’s boss.
Tobias “Toby” Beagle and Attie Girl (Attie says she’s not mad, but I thought we should maintain a united front)