I’m in this Tuesday morning bible study for moms called Moms and More. We are in the middle of a study by Jennie Allen called Stuck, The places we Get Stuck and the God who Sets us Free. The chapters go something like this: Stuck, Mad, Discontent, Scared, Overwhelmed, Sad, Unstuck. You can see, though you may not want to admit it, that this study is one that might really kick your butt. And it is.
This week the lesson is Discontent. Whew. How guilty I am of this. Just this morning before I started my lesson I was searching for leather sofas, wondering if our house will sell, hoping for a great new home in Rhode Island, wishing the stuff in my house was cuter, would look better, wishing my dogs didn’t shed, thinking about cupcakes for a one year old who won’t know the difference…oh how much I live for this world and the things that seem important. I’ve filled my mind with advice from everyone but God. Advice that says look at yourself, look at your home, look at your family, friends, and your bank account and from that dredge up some self-esteem. What a joke.
So then God threw me under the bus with this blog post, taken from www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com on Thursday, November 29, 2007 about a girl who gave it all up to move to Uganda and adopt orphan girls at the age of 18! She now has 14 daughters.
“Someone asked me the other day, ‘Really? Is it really as great as you make it sound? I could never do that! Are you really happy?’ For all of you who wonder, this is my response.
You know what I want sometime? To go to the mall and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a cute new pair of shoes. I want to sit on my kitchen counter chatting with my girlfriends and eat a whole carton of cookie dough ice cream. I want to watch Grey’s Anatomy, or any TV for that matter. I want to cuddle with my sweet boyfriend. I want to hop in my cute car, go to the grocery store, and pick up any kind of produce I want. I want to wake up in a house with my loving family, not all by myself. I want to go to Blockbuster and pick out a movie to watch with my little brother and his friends and I want to cook for them at midnight. I want to spend mindless hours with my best friends talking about boys and fashion and school and life. I want to go to the gym. I want my hair to look nice. I want to wear cut off jean shorts. I want to be a normal teenager living in America. I do.
You know what I want more? ALL the time? I want to be spiritually and emotionally filled every day of my life. I want to be loved and cuddled by 100 children and never go a day without laughing. I want to wake up to a rooster, my two africa dogs, and a splendid view of the Nile river. I want to be challenged endlessly; I want to be learning and growing every minute. I want to be taught by those I teach. I want to share God’s love with people who otherwise might not know it. I want to work so hard that I end every day filthy and too tired to move. I want to feel needed, important, used by the Lord. I want to make a difference and I want to follow the calling that God has planted deep in my heart. I want to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath, each second. I want to be here. Right here.”
This land of plenty that we live in, has a way of starving us, choking out those things that are most important. Oh Lord, remind me to relish in YOU and not this world!
“He must increase, but I must decrease. ” John 3:30