Top 10 Signs You are Ready to Have a Baby

Ok, this post is not for those thinking of having a baby. If it were, the title would be Top 10 Signs you are Ready to Conceive a Baby. And the answer to that, if that’s why you clicked on this post, is this: you will never be totally ready to conceive a baby. You will never have enough money. If you wait until your school debt is gone….well, you’ll be waiting forever. So if you and your other half want a kid, get on it. I don’t have 10 signs because this post is really a post for those who are ready to get an already conceived baby out of their body!

Let me lead with something. I’m not a gushy one when it comes to pregnancy. I’m endlessly and completely grateful that I have a life inside of me (and carried one more before this). But I’m not ooey gooey about it. I don’t like strangers touching my belly…or even non-strangers, for that matter. I don’t like getting bigger, an excuse to be fat (as some would say). I don’t like random attention from people I don’t know-partially because I’m not sure if it will be negative or positive (the whole “you’re huge!” or “you’re tiny!” situation-you know).  All that being said-I LOVE feeling little chickadee moving inside of me. Even more, I love the way it looks when I can SEE her moving (like an alien-it’s awesome). And I LOVE pregnancy hair (it’s so thick and great….ahhh).

BUT alas, these are the top 10 signs that I am ready to get this kid out…despite the impending unpredictability of the child birthing process and despite the fact that I will have a toddler and a newborn and 2 dogs (one being a Beagle) all under the same roof (AHHHHHH!!!!). Oh and a husband (but he’s no trouble at all).

10. I can’t see my feet. Heck, if they weren’t best friends with my ottoman, I’m not sure I’d know they were there at all. Also, when I do see them (propped up on the ottoman) they are HUGE! Huge, I tell you, and I usually kinda think my feet are cute. Not anymore.

9. My ankles have, as of late, been acting like teenagers with new cars. Coming and going as they see fit.

8.  I gave up counting pee breaks last night at midnight-it was already something like 6 or 7.

7.  Chocolate, marinara, and OJ all bring on some crazy acid reflux. I can live without juice and marinara (there is pesto in this world) but chocolate….dark, decadent, luscious, chocolate….oh how I miss you, my friend. These days, I’m just throwing down trail mix.

6. My engagement rings and I are separated indefinitely. Look, it was just getting too hard. I tried, I tried to stick it out. I tried to be ok with letting my fingers swell over them. In the end, we just grew apart…or rather together? Anyway, they had to go. Sad day.

5. I was in my pj’s today until 11:30, Chickadee #1 was in her’s until noon.

4.  I think that I am now officially waddling around AND I look pregnant from behind. I know, I looked a few minutes ago.

3.  Last week, over the most delicious pancakes at the most charming diner with my man and Chickadee #1 I started crying…over absolutely nothing.

2.  Two words: pee sneeze. Sorry guys and women without kids yet, it’s true. The pee sneeze is showing his ugly ugly face with more and more regularity. And I hate him. We are mortal enemies, particularly when meeting up in Target (which luckily has only happened once).

1. I cringed when someone asked me how much longer I had and my husband rounded up. HE ROUNDED UP! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? “2 months,” he said. Um….no 6 weeks. Do not round up, homeboy. Never round up.

Home stretch. Thank goodness.

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