Tap Tap Tap

This kid Derrick sat behind me during an assembly in the 4th grade. From the beginning of time, our Elementary school had long lines of desks, arranged in pairs, which we’d sit in for lunch and also programs. Derrick wanted my attention, so he just started tapping me. Over and over and over. I wasn’t one to chit chat during undesignated times, so I ignored him. But he just kept tapping and tapping and tapping. So I started giving him nasty looks, and whispered “stop its.” But he never stopped tapping. I don’t remember what he wanted or how the assembly wrapped up or what they said. But I just remember that constant tap, tap, tap from Derrick.

But Derrick hasn’t been the only tap tap tap  in my life…

And often the tap tap taps come from the Holy Spirit…

Tap…there’s something you need to change….

Tap…listen…

Tap…there is more to life…there is a better way…

For a month or so, with heightened pregnancy hormones/craziness raging through my blood, the tap tap tap has been grace.

And when it’s time to learn something, the opportunities seem to be everywhere.

I’m mulling through the book of Romans right, now. And, I’ll be honest with you…it’s hard. Hard to get through, sometimes hard to understand, sometimes just straight boring. Now, I know a lot of guys who like this book in the Bible, but for me…it’s rough. BUT, necessary.

A few weeks ago in the second chapter, Paul says this:

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.  Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearanceand patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

I stopped in my tracks. Passing judgment. Who am I to pass judgment? And isn’t it true that in my own passing of judgment, maybe, just MAYBE, I am doing the same thing that I am judging? YES!

The human condition is not complicated. We are all guilty of all the things that make us mad, that cause us to judge, that hurt our feelings…

This week I got upset about the following things:

  • not being treated the way I wanted to be treated
  • being yelled at (granted by a 4 year old)
  • being given unsolicited advice
  • being judged

Yet, which one of those things have I not done, myself, and this very week? Who am I to judge? Who am I NOT TO DISH OUT LOADS AND LOADS OF GRACE?

This morning, I read of a woman dying a grace-filled death from cancer, a woman who is fighting to the end and calling her battle beautiful. And I wept. I wept at my own ridiculous immaturity. I wept that I get upset about such small things. I wept because I sweat the small stuff. I worry about things that are insignificant. And I don’t love frivolously those who’s paths I cross. I wept because I cannot seem to learn the lessons that God is tap tap tapping on my back.

Tap…forgive…

Tap…forbear…

Tap…pray…

Tap…assume the best of people…

Tap…look at the whole picture…

Tap…there is a better way to live…a freer way…

Tap…let me show you the light…

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And I thanked God for the deep words of Paul in Romans, who reminds me…as I WAGE WAR with ruthless abandon against the carnal and immature and fleshly…

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

 

 

 

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